4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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