It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
