I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
