I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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