Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
