I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize