honey bunches of taint.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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