i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
