My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
