Whod you bang
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
