I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
