Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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