her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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