the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He did a backflip because drugs
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