she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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