remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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