Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
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She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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