He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
