Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
