Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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