i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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