You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
