Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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