If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
