just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
