I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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