im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
