I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You smell like a Billy Joel song
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
