I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
