This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
