I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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