Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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