Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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