He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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