K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
