This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
