If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
