I'd wear matching sweaters with you
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
