Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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