Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
