Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize