: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
