Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
