Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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