Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
