After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
