I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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