It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
