Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
