like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
