Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
