I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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