"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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