Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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