I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
why do cheetos always look like penises
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
