What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
