They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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