Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
