Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
