I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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