Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
