I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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