i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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