What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
