I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The air taste purple.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
