It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
