Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
