YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
