just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
