Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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