You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
