I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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