some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
