why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My ass is underappreciated
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
