I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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