Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
