This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
