he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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