my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
