I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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