My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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