I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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