toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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