It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
