I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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