I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
